Last letter

No!
Not okay at all.

This is exactly what I meant by misleading. It's not about just being honest and not wanting to take things further.
You don't just show warmth and walk out without any consideration whatsoever.

I can't keep calling you 50 times a day with false hopes that you're going to meet me again.

Perhaps I should have known that that evening was my last. What took you 4 hours to tell me that the chances of meeting are 0?

Am I forcing you to be around? Am I intimidating you into anything? Is this the guilt speaking? Is this all out of some emotional blackmail that I'm throwing at you? Am I being very demanding?

That fact that you're going to be bored of your friends only to come back and meet me instead. That's not true, at all. If you really want to leave, you figure ways out. You don't keep your friends waiting on false hopes, you don't do that to your family. It's not even a personality trait. I don't understand why that was so easy for you to do with me? I know you're not even thinking about me anymore. You have this lovely life ahead of you with happy people, why waste your time trying to pacify someone who is being difficult and uninteresting! I get it.

But I constantly find myself asking why do I find myself constantly chasing you only to watch you push yourself further away?
Please don't stick around because you'll feel guilty of hurting me or because you don't want to lose a friend. For someone who doesn't want to lose a dear friend or I'm the only happy resort in your life, you don't grow indifferent about losing them to a point that you'll only be affected temporarily. That's not how I know it.

You want the distance. Please fucking keep it. I'm not troubling you anymore. I'm sorry I'm not so cool and calm about things. I hyperventilate and I'm losing myself. I'm pushing myself away from you. Just an attempt to spare you the effort of having to do it yourself.

You're a great guy but I'm not okay with this. You have a lot of new things happening in your life. A new pet, friends getting together like this after so long, you're laughing constantly after a while, coming home to a functional family, I think you should focus on that.

Not that you'll be worried about me but I'll figure my way out. Sticking around because you don't want to lose a friend isn't justifiably enough make a joke out of me at the same time.

I'm sick and tired. I'm irritated and I have absolutely no strength to pick myself up. Waking up and sleeping feel like struggles. My appetite has gone for a toss and I don't know the difference between right or wrong anymore.

I highly doubt you'll enjoy my company at a time when I'm so vulnerable to your actions. I'm just an explosion away from ruining your day furthermore.

Thank you for everything. The things you've done, I'm exceptionally grateful. I couldn't have wanted it any other way. I know you've tried your best to keep up with my changing mood swings and still not left but your staying isn't a very healthy form of sticking around either. The indifference is absolutely unnecessary and I won't force you to alter your behaviour. I'm just choosing to not be at the receiving end of it.

I'm glad I met you but I'm sorry, I'm not taking this further. I don't want anyone in my life right now and as many people away from me, the better.

I used to hate the idea of being alone and lonely, but I strongly feel that's better than your unavailability. Emotionally, physically and mentally.

I sincerely apologize for all the disappointment and nuisance I've caused in the last 4-5 months. Have a beautiful future ahead!

Take care of yourself Yash.
Love!