If Shah Rukh Khan ever asked me why I’m in the field of Media

Because I’m a misfit anywhere else.

Not for the sole reason of not being able to do any other task to my expectations but because I know I won’t be happy living or what I’d call surviving in any other place of work or may I add, ‘Time’.

I love learning. I do react to learning at my own pace because teething is not a very happy or polite phase to be in but I love how it pushes my determination levels to limits I wouldn’t have known of otherwise.

I tend to have this greed for being the occasional know-it-all, and the best way to learn that is through experience. I want to know of the various elements that go into making a film or creating an experience not just in theory but also putting it forward to and audience and allow them to decide if it is really a pleasant experience after all. 

I’m sure that if I’m convincing enough, I could probably walk upto a friend’s rich businessman father who sponsor my entire film to such an extent that I could hire a small focused crew to help express what I’ve been dying to tell from the bottom of my heart to the very same audience, but what I also know is that I will not learn of the tiny elements of chaos like I am learning of now, then. Its only in this learning as an Assistant Director or an intern in a fancy organization will I learn of the challenges that need to be faced to bring out someone else’s story out in the form of a good quality film.

Tomorrow or at a later date, when I realize that I’ve pretty much gotten the hang of all the elements of making a film, I would want to experience a large team of people working their lives out to fulfill my little dream of sharing my kind of stories. I want to then be at the receiving end of sheer deception, indifference, melancholy, sorrow and at the same time obtain unconditional love, confidence, faith and the feeling of being wanted. And I want it to show in my stories and style of filmmaking. Not that I’ve mastered any of the tasks I’m having to do now, but even once I get them right and touch higher job profiles, regardless of all the unintended errors in the output, I want to feel the outrage and countless ‘letting go’s that it has taken out of everyone to make what I’ve always wanted to.

For all you know, I may not even get that far due to infinite probabilities of unforeseen circumstances, but then again, atleast I know I tried. For my fear of reaching poverty, I might switch dreams and grow up a little to earn a buck here and there, but I know I gave it all I had and I may walk away with unfulfilled dreams and I’m okay with that if I can accept that I’m not walking away with unattempted desires, and it is for that wholesome need that I am in this field.